I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
