marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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