Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Randomize
