its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
