do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
