Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
