i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
