The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Randomize
