She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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