we made out on top of his cat.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
