Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
