Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I wish there were birth control emojis
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
