is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
