dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
