She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
