have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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