everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
