Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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