I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
