I didn't shave. On purpose
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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