I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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