Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
