idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
