talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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