i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
