she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
