So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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