he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
