My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
