apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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