Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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