What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
