Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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