alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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