I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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