what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
