let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
