I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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