meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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