i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
