How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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