How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
