I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I'm really busy with my period
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