at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
