I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
