5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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