i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
