I'll bet she douches with gravy.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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