if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
