yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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