Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
