Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
