Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
