She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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