just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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