Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
