I puked a lego.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Terrible idea I love it
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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