shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
