i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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